Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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