im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
