I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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