The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
