Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
