it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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