I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
