I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
