I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
