Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize