Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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