Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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