Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you didnt know i had herpes?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
