I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
