He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
