i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
