I heard we made out
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
