I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
