Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
