Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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