I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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