sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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