the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
