I hate all girls vehemently.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
