Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
false alarm, still single
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
