i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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