how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
