did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
