He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
