is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
