so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
