Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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