ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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