In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
