I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
