yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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