hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
