I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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