only you would photoshop your dick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
