Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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