wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you would pick up someone in the library
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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