also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
