The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
