I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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