But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
