if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
