She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
