Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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