i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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