The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
