Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
