I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
