if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
