I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
