Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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