Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
